幽默英語演講稿十篇
幽默英語演講稿 篇1
A helping hand
A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty. Would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."
幽默英語演講稿 篇2
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town.
"Let’s go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven’t been anywhere for a long time."
Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything. "
They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.
Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane.
"Fun flights!" the notice said, " $$ 10 for 10 minutes.
Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.
"I’ve only got $$ 10, " he told the pilot. "Can my wife come with me for free?" The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, "I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight."
Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.
The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.
When the plane landed, the pilot said, "0. K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free."
"Thank you," Matt said. "It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out."
幽默英語演講稿 篇3
Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old. Last year her mother said to her, “You’re six years old now, Mary, and you’re going to begin going to a school here. You’re going to like it very much, because it’s a nice school.” “Is it an English school” Mary asked.” Yes, it is,” her mother said. Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon. Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o’clock, and Mary ran out of her class. “We’ve got a new girl in our class today, Mummy,” she said. “She’s six years old too, and she’s very nice, but she isn’t English. She’s German.” “Does she speak English” Mary’s mother asked.” No, but she laughs in English,” Mary said happily.
幽默英語演講稿 篇4
Love Your Mother
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
GOD answered......
"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.
I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....
She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
She is special!
Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.
But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
Love your Mother Always
and keep her Smiling
幽默英語演講稿 篇5
Earn english not only because of its importance and its usefulness,but also because of my love for i learn english, i can feel a different way of thinking which gives me more room to touch the i read english novels,i can feel the pleasure from the book which is different from reading the i speak english, i can feel the confident from my i write english,i can see the beauty which is not the same as our chinese...
I love english,it gives me a colorful dream.i hope i can travel around the world one day. with my good english, i can make friends with many people from different contries.i can see many places of great intrests.i dream that i can go to london,because it is the birth place of english.
I also want to use my good english to introduce our great places to the english spoken people,i hope that they can love our country like us.
I know, rome was not built in a day. i believe that after continuous hard study, one day i can speak english very well. if you want to be loved, you should learn to love and be lovable. so i believe as i love english everyday , it will love me too.
I am sure that i will realize my dream one day!
Thank you!
幽默英語演講稿 篇6
Love Your Mother
愛你的母親
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
你為什麼哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
因為我是女人,她告訴他.
"I don't understand," he said.
我不明白.他回答
His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
媽媽擁抱了他說,"你永遠也不會明白,但沒關係..."
Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
後來小男孩問他的父親"媽媽為什麼似乎在無緣無故的哭泣?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
"所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣",這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...
The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候,
他仍然奇怪媽媽為什麼哭.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
最後他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問"上帝,為什麼女人容易哭泣?"
GOD answered......
上帝回答:
"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
"當我創造女人的時候,
我決定把她造的很特別,
我讓她的雙肩強壯的足以能夠承擔整個世界,但是,
卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...
I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.
我給她內在的力量去忍受生產的劇痛,
也讓她有勇氣承受無數的傷害,
甚至這些傷害有時會來自於自己的孩子...
I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickneand fatigue without
complaining....
我給她頑強,讓她能夠不斷地前進,
並且照顧自己的家人和朋友,
甚至當每個人都放棄的時候,
她卻能夠堅強地在疾病和勞累之時毫無怨言...
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all yanjianggao/ircumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....
She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
我給她內心的敏感,讓她在任何環境下都深愛著自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時候...
她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼...
I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
我給她力量關心她的丈夫，儘管他會犯錯.我用男人的肋骨創造了女人，使女人可以保護男人的心臟...
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
我給她智慧，讓她知道一個好丈夫永遠不會傷害他的妻子，但有時候會試煉她堅定的永遠跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心.
For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
因為這些種種的困難，
我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，
這是當她在需要時可以使用的，
這是她唯一的軟弱之處...
當你看到她哭泣的時候，
告訴她你有多麼地愛她，
告訴她她為所有人所做的一切，
即使這樣她可能還是會哭泣，
但你會使她的心裡得到安慰.
She is special!
Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.
她是獨特的!
請把這個資訊傳遞給你認識的女人， 有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命裡的人.
But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
但是，也把這個資訊傳遞給男人，因此他們會明白女人是多麼奇妙的被造物.
每一天，生活中都會有必須爬的山，但是勇氣會使每一步都更輕鬆.
Love your Mother Always
永遠愛你的母親，
and keep her Smiling
並且使她微笑常在
幽默英語演講稿 篇7
Dick wearing a pair of new trousers went together with his father to his aunt's the sight of the boy's new trousers,his aunt admired very much and kissed him front of the boy, there were many nice cakes and cousin also took out all his toys and played with boy enjoyed a good day there.
While he went back home with his father, he was so joyful that he sang and danced along the way home. suddenly he slipped and fell into the mud and his trousers got very dirty.
When he got home, his mother saw his dirty trousers and said:
"Oh,what a mess! This is not the first time you come home like that , and this time you are wearing your new trousers!"
"I am sorry,mum,"said Dick."But I had no time to take my new trousers off when I fell down."
幽默英語演講稿 篇8
Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old. Last year her mother said to her, “You’re six years old now, Mary, and you’re going to begin going to a school here. You’re going to like it very much, because it’s a nice school.” “Is it an English school” Mary asked.” Yes, it is,” her mother said. Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon. Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o’clock, and Mary ran out of her class. “We’ve got a new girl in our class today, Mummy,” she said. “She’s six years old too, and she’s very nice, but she isn’t English. She’s German.” “Does she speak English” Mary’s mother asked.” No, but she laughs in English,” Mary said happily.
幽默英語演講稿 篇9
One of the most popular hobbies among people is reading books. More and more people spend their spare time in reading the books they are interested in.
There are so many books in the world that it is impossible for any one to read all of them, even if he spends his whole life in reading. Before we start reading, we should find out whether it is valuable for us to read.
Reading good books is one of the greatest pleasures in life. It can enrich our knowledge. It makes us learn lots of things we did not previously know. We can be aware of what had happened in the past as well as what is happening in the present time. The more books we read, the more knowledge we get. No matter how much education we receive or how much expensive we have, we can not become a full man unless we keep reading.
Reading bad books will lead you to a wrong way and prevents you from progressing. It’s worse than reading nothing. So we know how important it is to read good books.
book can be read at random time if you have leisure, and there never be a time limitation. Also, you can read a book to achieve a more really history. Through a book, you can communicate with its author without other’s transmission. All these rarely can be easily achieved by a television.
Furthermore, book is a treasure that has developed centuries. As we know when written language appeared, human beings became use it to record their lives, and this action leaves us a lot of historic precious mineral. We can absorb intelligence and wisdom, and we can also be taught lessons. I love book from my heart, form book I know how to communicate with others, and I learn my homeland is the place I love best, and also I know my parents are the very individuals who I love through my life. What about the television? Television, sometimes, show violence, sex, drugs beyond our choice.
幽默英語演講稿 篇10
A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they‟re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don‟t know, son. I‟m still paying.”
有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學校的同學。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會迷戀班上某個人，然後就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結婚很花錢嗎?」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非常花錢。」兒子又問：「要花多少錢呢?」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現在還一直在付錢啊!」